Oh, the horror! Nope, I'm not referring to the scenes of carnage that get spoofed in the latest installment of the Scary Movie comedy franchise. Alas, it's the paltry selection of clever headlines in today's newspaper reviews of said film that have me gasping in disgust. 

The predictably rote puns (The Globe and Mail's Spoof so good it's scary; Detroit Free Press's Scared Silly; and New York Daily News 'Scary' it's still here) are bad enough, but others don't even dig that deep (Star-Telegram's 'Scary Movie 4' plotless, unamusing and East Valley Tribune's 83 minutes is way too long for soul-sucking ‘Scary Movie 4’).

Thankfully, though, there's a handful of writers who, in the words of Randy Jackson, ''worked it out.''  Perhaps the top five can provide their less-talented counterparts with some inspiration next week.

1. Seattle Post-Intelligencer: Fourth time's the Charmin as slapshtick & potty humor runneth over
2. Washington Times: 'Scary Movie': 4-get it
3. Philadelphia Inquirer: Parodies lost: The laughs are few in latest 'Scary'
4. The Patriot-News: Number 4 runs out of gas
5. Washington Post: 'Scary Movie 4': Parody Till They Drop