In life, Bruce Lee (pictured) was Poetry in Motion. On stage, he will be Lyrics Set to Bowie. Yes, the time has come for the Bruce Lee musical, and David Bowie has stepped up to pipe the tune. (He couldn't let Elton John have all the fun. And by "fun," I mean "money.")

Now, before you deride this idea, America, consider two things:

One: The age of the kung fu musical is upon us. The martial-arts genre is just a Shaolin blade away from movie musical anyway (the oeuvre of Stephen Chow illustrates that).

Two: In a post-Cirque du Soleil world, the theater has become the preferred venue for choreographed feats of agility, preferably ones that involve very little talking. (Why limit ticket receipts to the English-speaking world, when German and Japanese tourists make up a significant part of your audience?) Flights and fights are on proud display in the Lord of the Rings extravaganza currently spreading its massive wings up in Toronto. And none other than Harvey Weinstein recently bought the stage rights to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

Also, let's not forget the cardinal rule of musicals: If it ain't intuitively musical, well, chances are it'll make a perfectly sturdy musical. No one knows why this is true, but the evidence is in: Urinetown, Sweeney Todd, West Side Story -- the list goes on and on. Which is why I'm hard at work on Stainless Steel Cookware: The Musical. Please contribute lyrics below: